What a week. I’ve been battling mastitis for two weeks now, and despite doing everything right – early antibiotics, cabbage leaves for days, warm compresses, three rounds of ultrasound – it has developed into something nasty that requires a surgeon’s knife this morning. Eek!
I make it a personal habit of mine to look for silver linings in every situation, but this one has been a bit of a challenge… Still, I’ve found two. Here they are:
I can’t wait to be healthy again.
I still think I’ve got off pretty lightly on the mastitis front, because friends who’ve had it have used words like “excruciating” and I haven’t felt that. But I also haven’t felt well for the last two weeks… I’ve been tired and achey and headachey and teary and feeling off. I’ve been hyper aware of my right breast, which has been sore and bruised and tender. Feeding Ella has not been easy. I can’t wait for the oblivion of good health! You know when you wake up in the morning and you can worry about something else because you don’t have to worry about how you’re feeling? That’s what I want.
I have learned who to ask for support – and who not to.
So maybe this is a slightly skewed silver lining, but I feel like I know now who to lean on when I need support – and who will drop me like that trust game where you fall back and the person has walked off to look out the window. I am so grateful for my dear friends and precious parents who would literally drop everything to come and help me (rather than dropping me – got to extend that metaphor!) but I’m also grateful for adjusted expectations.
I don’t know about you, but I really struggle with having high expectations of people, and feeling deeply disappointed when they don’t live up to them. But like that anger analogy that says that when you’re angry with someone you’re the only one festering – the other person is totally fine and probably unaware of your anger – high expectations are just as dangerous. In my ideal world, we would all be totally honest and blunt with each other about stuff like this, but I know that’s not the way the world works and it would cause a lot of hurt feelings. So when I’m able to do the work myself, and adjust my expectations of others so I don’t get disappointed in the future, it feels like a relief. Like letting go and moving downstream.
Which is exactly what I need to do this morning, as I set off for the doctor’s office. Wish me luck!