Bridget McNulty Posts

I wrote this post two months ago (almost to the day) as I was on a train leaving Lancaster, having just spent 24 hours with my dear friend who was dying. She told me then that she had two to six months to live, she died last night. I woke up feeling sad yesterday – sad enough to write about it… And then she died. I’ve already written about some of this so it may be repetition, but I decided on the train that I would only post it after Camilla died, and now she has. What is so strange and surprising to me is that if you let yourself feel the sadness, it does pass. It washes over you, and you emerge out the other side. If you don’t bottle it up or resist it, it passes. I’m sure most other people know this already, but I feel like I’m just learning it…

How do you feel about sadness? It’s an odd question, because surely we should all feel comfortable with all the emotions, but I’ve come to realise (particularly in the last few months) that that isn’t true for me. Here’s what I’ve unpacked…

One of the main reasons I went to the US last month was to see my dear friend and teacher, Camilla. I wanted to interview her to write her memoir – to fulfill a life pact from 14 years ago.

It’s been a week since I returned from 10 fabulous days in the US, and I’m still processing all I experienced. It wasn’t just the fact that I was travelling solo (although that was pretty remarkable) but also that I reconnected with a few deeply loved friends… I packed about 3 months of intensity into my 10 days, and returned feeling so satisfied and refreshed and lucky.

We just spent a glorious five days in Durban with my parents, and today I am feeling sad and nostalgic… Mark says that always happens when I return home from my other home, and I’ve been wondering why. Here’s what I’ve come up with:

Ah, a new year! What a joy… I’ve always loved new years because of the opportunity to assess, and reflect, and focus. There are a few areas I want to focus on this year, and one over-arching theme. Here’s what I’ve been thinking about lately – and what I hope for from 2019.

I have a new job – an actual job, imagine! – and I am so excited about it that I feel like I’ve fallen in love… with ideas.