What’s your recurring thought?

It’s been an exhausting week. Ella has had German measles and fluid trapped behind her ear – a double whammy, as the doctor said – so she’s been super grumpy and not sleeping well. Poor poppet. I am not used to a grumpy baby! I feel like the whole week has been a single note plucked on a guitar: ‘sick baby, sick baby, sick baby’. Alternated with ‘I’m so tired, I’m so tired, I’m so tired.’ But aren’t we all walking around with a recurring thought on repeat?

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What I’ll miss about having a baby

While I will not miss the frequent night wakings – not one little bit – I will miss Ella being so excited to see me when I get back from work that she grabs my face and tries to eat it.

I’ll miss the funny little cooing garbledy sounds she makes before she learns how to talk properly.

I’ll miss the way she falls asleep while I’m breastfeeding and I carry her floppy little conked out body to her crib.

I’ll miss the way her eyes light up when she sees her brother or her dad… they’ll still light up when she’s older, I know, because Arty still gets so excited when his dad comes home. But there’s this delicious disbelief in her eyes at this age – a kind of, ‘you’re here! I love you so much! What a bonus!’

I’ll miss putting her in one place and having her stay there (a lot).

I’ll miss her absolute wonder at her toes.

I’ll miss the way she sticks her tongue out when she’s delighted.

I’ll miss her ridiculously chubby thighs: fat roll upon fat roll upon fat roll.

I’ll miss how I can make everything better just by picking her up: that being in Mom’s arms is the cure for all ills.

I’ll miss her first attempts at hugs – arms round my neck, snuggling in.

I’ll miss her snuffles when she sleeps.

I’ll miss her being so sweet, and so stable – not like the inevitable ups and downs of toddlerhood that lie ahead.

I’ll miss my little baby.

Sleep deprivation torture

Torture is a big word. I do not use it lightly. If you haven’t had kids yet, maybe don’t read on…

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How I learnt to be a Mom

I’ve never been a particularly maternal person. I like kids and babies when they belong to people I love, but I won’t walk up to a stranger to coo at their children, and I’ve never felt that motherhood would be my defining role in life. Still, that was before I met Arthur and Ella (who are, without doubt, the most remarkable children the world has ever seen – of course!) and at the moment life is all about mothering, all the time. I think this is probably true of anyone with a baby and a toddler, but I’ve been thinking, lately, of how I learnt to be a Mom… And the answer, of course, is from my mom.

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A sense of style

I had the most amazing morning last weekend: I went clothes shopping. For myself! This might not sound like that much of a treat but I’m not exaggerating when I say I haven’t bought myself new clothes in over a year and a half. I was planning on getting pregnant, so there was no point. And then I was pregnant, so there was no point. And then I was overweight, so there was no points. And then breastfeeding. But now, although I am still not quite back to normal and although I am still breastfeeding, I am sick to death of looking frumpy. So I went on a shopping spree!

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Two kids teething at once

I feel like that should be the title of a horror movie: Two Kids Teething At Once (accompanied by a screaming face of despair). Forgive me the dramatics, but I am nearing on 3 weeks of terrible sleep and last night was possibly the worst yet… Although they’re all blurring into one at the moment. (more…)

The primary caregiver blues

I ran out of patience this morning before 8.30am. That has to be some kind of record, doesn’t it? I’m suffering from a case of what I call the Primary Caregiver Blues. (more…)

Solo parenting

It’s Tuesday afternoon and I find myself with the first chunk of alone time I’ve had in 12 days – no exaggeration. Mark returned from a 12 day trip to China at lunchtime today, and I am relishing having another parent in the house. How do single parents do it?

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A few wonderful reads

As far as I’m concerned, forwarding a link to an article is the highest praise I can heap upon writing these days (aside from waxing lyrical about novels, of course.)

What could be more of a compliment than suggesting that my friends or family – who are all oversubscribed and overstimulated – read something? Here, then, are a few great reads from the last few weeks, and a couple of bloody hilarious ones too.

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Special Time

Last week was intense. Hardcore. Challenging. Full-on. Exhausting. You get my drift… But it took me until Friday to figure out what was wrong.

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