Acceptance

We’ve been in the trenches lately. It’s been a tough two weeks of not enough sleep, two clingy kids (teething, sickness and developmental leaps) and intense work pressure. Life has been hard.

But then…

… this morning I had an hour to myself to drink tea and journal, while Ella slept and Marky took Arty to swimming. And I realized that the only person who can change the current situation is me: Ella has a whole lot more teeth coming, so sleep is going to suck for a while. Arty will go through extremely clingy patches. Work will vary in its intensity but always add some pressure.

I think the reason I’ve been struggling so much is that I feel on some level that it shouldn’t be this hard. Life has never been particularly hard for me, despite living with diabetes, and this two-kids-under-three shtick is unbelievably difficult. All my previous tricks don’t work because they require me to have the time and space for self-care – for sleep and meditation and journaling and yoga and exercise. And guess what? Aint no mama of young kids got time for that.

So I can do my best with self-care – which I am – but the most important thing to do is just accept that this is the way things are at the moment. Everything is as it is, everything will be as it will be. And I am breathing into the Right Now: this moment, right now, exactly as it should be.

I will keep you updated on how well this works out!

I’ve also just spent a glorious two hours alone in my house writing a short story (that I was commissioned to write – what a treat!) It is, unsurprisingly, about a mom of young kids. I’ll post the link once it’s live. But the lesson, if there is one, is that when there isn’t time or space to be creating Art with a capital A, we have to find the art and beauty in the everyday.

I will remind myself of that over and over and over, until it finally sinks in…