It will soon be 5 years since my mom died. 5 years! Half a decade. How is that possible?!
I am relieved she missed out on the indignities of old age. There was nothing wrong with her, and then she was desperately ill and died – she never really had to age. I’m relieved she missed out on COVID, which would have stressed her out terribly. I’m relieved she missed out on all my dad’s many surgeries and health scares – she would have hated all the uncertainty.
So much has changed in 5 years. I’ve changed so much in 5 years, not least from losing her.
Whenever I look at this sweet little quilt she made me that hangs on my office wall, I think about how lovely it would feel to have tea together. I’d love to meet her as I am, now. We have so much to talk about! I am so much calmer now that I don’t have toddlers. I understand about being highly sensitive, and the nervous system, and I have so many new ideas to discuss with her.
And yes, I know, she’s always with me. But it’s not the same. I know I’m not alone in having lost someone and wishing they would just pop back for an hour. In real life. Across the table, hand holding distance away.
Wouldn’t that be the best?
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