This song is an instant joy-maker for me…
When my kids were little (I want to say less-than-2 and less-than-4? As soon as I could conceivably have a few days off) I flew to Durban for 5 nights. I spent 3 of them in a tiny Airbnb in Umhlanga, swimming in the sea and watching movies and seeing friends and doing whatever the hell I wanted to do. And then I spent 2 nights at the Buddhist Retreat Centre in Ixopo with my mom, which was all stillness and beauty and laughter.
I listened to this song on repeat on that trip, and even now it brings back such vivid sense memories I can almost smell them.
🍉 The absolute glee of being alone after years of having small people attached to me at all moments of the day.
🍉 Going to watch a movie *at the cinema* and then wandering around the shopping centre afterwards and buying myself a new dress.
🍉 Driving back from the cinema and wanting to swim in the sea, but not having my swimming costume on me… So swimming in my new green dress, which lifted with each wave and made me feel like I was flying.
🍉 My mom and I bunking the evening talks at the Buddhist Retreat Centre because we both had good books (Eligible by Curtis Sittenfeld, still one of my all-time favourites).
🍉 My mom wearing slippers under the covers in bed because her feet were so cold 😆
What is so beautiful about this song and these memories is that it’s now – finally, after all this time – only joy I feel.
God, my mom and I had such fun together. We were so lucky to have each other. I loved her so much, and she loved me so much.
If you’re in the dark days of grief, let me offer this slither of hope (as my daughter says): one day, only the joy remains. I never thought it was possible, but I’m living proof.
Until then: one day, one moment, one breath at a time ❤️
#grief #griefjourney #slicesofjoy
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