The five languages of love

I’ve been thinking about the languages of love a lot lately… How we all speak different languages, and how easily misunderstood we can be.

I first discovered the 5 love languages in high school and haven’t read the book since, but I often reference the idea. They are (in no particular order):
1. Gifts
2. Words of affirmation
3. Quality time
4. Acts of service
5. Physical affection

My language is gifts – whenever I hear someone is having a hard time I think, “what could I give them to help?” Often it’s real gifts (sometimes tiny, very often edible) and sometimes it’s a meaningful message. My husband’s is affection, so it’s taking a solid decade of marriage to help him see that while I love a hug, I really love a surprise bunch of flowers to celebrate signing off on final proofs of my book.

The trouble, of course, is that if you’re not aware of your partner / friend’s love language, you can feel like you’re pouring out love and they can feel… not much. Like: oh, you washed the dishes? Thanks. What would have been great is if you’d sat and talked with me. Or, conversely: oh, you gave me focused attention for half an hour? Thanks. What would have been great is if you’d washed the dishes.

It is actually somewhat remarkable that any of us manage to muddle through love, considering it’s quinti-lingual (word of the day!)

For today, I am grateful for surprise flowers this week. Surprise earrings from a special friend yesterday. A non-surprise PTS (Present To Self) of a gorgeous watercolour dress. How lucky am I?