I bought this dress the week that my mom lay dying in hospital. I was so desperate for something – anything! – that was lighthearted and pretty and hopeful that I took my eldest niece (then 11) to Mr Price and told her we were each going to find something fun to wear. She chose a mustard crop top that she still wears, I chose this floral dress that brought me a tiny slice of joy.
The next day I wore it to visit my mom in hospital. I still remember the room – she was in high care but because they couldn’t do anything more for her, they’d given her a more private, cordoned off room so that we could visit her in peace. It was probably the day before we brought her home, and she had already had the stroke but wasn’t yet on morphine, so she was still somewhat herself.
As I walked into the room in my new dress, she looked at me and said, “ah!” and smiled.
She loved it. And now I love it, and will probably never be able to part with it, because it’s the last new dress my mom ever saw.
It’s funny how much of life becomes filled with these last moments, when you’ve lost someone you love so much… Funny how wearing a dress she liked makes me feel like she’s here, in a way.
Also, can we appreciate that although I still suck at selfies, at least you can kind of see the dress in this one? Baby steps!!
#slicesofjoy #grief #griefjourney
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