I’ve listened to a lot of podcasts over the last five months. Some funny, some light-hearted, some emotional and deep. My favourite of all time, though, is ‘Everything Happens
for a Reason‘. And of that podcast, this is my favourite episode:
It’s 33 minutes of solid gold. The bit that took my breath away? “I believe we have a duty to live fully with our losses. It’s a bitch though.” It’s not about embracing loss or ‘doing grief right’ or looking on the bright side – it’s about recognising that we have a duty to be present to the life we are living, right now. In whatever form and colour that might be.
The festive season is approaching at top speed, and I’m not sure how I feel about it. The kids are obviously super excited, and we’ll make it special for them (and us). But Christmas without my mom? That’s going to suck. Or maybe there will be sweet moments in it? I don’t know… I’m approaching it with low expectations so that if it is really hard at least I won’t be too disappointed.
I’m practising lowering expectations in general, at the moment. We’ve been really let down a couple of times in the last few weeks and I’m trying not to take it personally: to recognise that everyone is doing their best. That’s my holiday mantra: They’re just doing their best.
Despite how depressing that sounds, I am looking forward to being on holiday. To being present with the kids, without thinking about work. To having time to relax and unwind and drink gin in the sun and spend special time with the people I love. To live fully with my loss.