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The endless early days of grief

I had such a lovely interview with Pippa Hudson on Cape Talk this afternoon… Talking about how hard the early days of grief are, and how endless they feel.

On my best days – the ones I can lift myself out of missing my mom, and look to a motherless future without it feeling desperately sad – this quote resonates so deeply with me. It’s the same sentiment as the poem I quote in The Grief Handbook – “Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there, I do not sleep…”

I truly believe that my mom’s presence has been sewn into every aspect of my life. I can see her – in fragments – whenever I look closely, or listen carefully, or sit quietly.

The clincher, though, is that it’s just fragments. What I want – and what I only get in dreams these days – is a cup of tea and a good chat. A hug. Holding hands. A rambling conversation on the phone…

So yes, my mom is in each leaf, each reflection, each slice of joy I experience. But oh! What I wouldn’t give for a full-colour, real-life, 3D tea date with her.

Published inGrief

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